Too Fat to Diet
I bet you've looked at someone and wondered, "Wow! I wonder how long it took to get as fat as that!"
Did you want to ask how it felt to be so fat, how to overcome inertia when rounding a corner hurrying to catch the bus, why they aren't on a diet, whether they've ever knocked over a canned goods display just walking by?
Let it be known that the author of this piece published at affinityseries.com knows the answers!
A. It took me only three years to get fat. I quit smoking and got a desk job, a double whammy.
I hear it takes some people longer, like from pre-teen ages even, when their Moms made sure sugar cereal was always within reach.
Sugar in the morning, sugar at night; sugar for snacks is a fatty's delight.
B. You forget what spry feels like.
C. I lean into the turn about 3-6 running steps before the actual corner.
The tilt starts slow, probably the flywheel effect — the heavier it is and the faster it spins, the more it resists tilting. Although the tilt starts slow, by the time I get to the corner, I'm falling at an alarming rate, and unless I do something quick, I'll put on a gory, bloody, skin-peeling show sliding along the sidewalk into the street. (Some might argue rolling and bouncing instead of sliding, but that's too funny in a serious piece like this.) The extra adrenalin gives the legs that extra push needed to pump against the sidewalk and arrest the fall.
Once I've got myself upright again, I've just magically made the turn.
D. Everybody knows weight-loss diets don't work, right? I mean, if they worked, why would there be so many fat people?
(Don't tell me it's a state of mind. I'm not going to admit it. I'm too fat to diet. Diets won't work for me. I insist!)
But I found something that might work. It's not a diet, but
a nutrition-balanced snack food.
It's Phi
Maybe Phi will work. That would be different than normal, right?
If it does, I can have fun eating all the while I lose weight. And I won't have to diet!
And I really, really like snacks. I could snack on snacks constantly.
E. Nope, never.
But my butt knocked a teenager a-sprawling once, when I dodged another fat person traveling along a grocery isle in a hurry.
I apologized (to the teenager).
If looks could wither, I would have got skinny right then and there.
F.
Oh, yes, there is no F. At least, not if
Phi
works to get rid of it
